Janganlah dicari bahu untuk bersandar. Buat mengadu menangis. Kerna bahu itu juga sama jiwanya seperti kamu. Lemah. Sentiasa menangis.
Tapi carilah sejadah untuk kau sujud. Agar bisa kau bertemu Kekasih Hati yang sentiasa dengarkan isi hatimu. Yang sentiasa tenangkan hatimu dengan pujukanNya. Yang sentiasa kuatkanmu dengan dugaanNya.
The Mask She Hides Behind
Every time shes with him, the world doesn’t exist anymore. But what she doesn’t understand is, why doesn’t he realize that. To him, her love and her honest feelings are all melodramatic. She doesn’t understand why he doesn’t believe her even though he loves her. Why does he have to break her heart every time she smiles. Why can’t he believe her for once.
She doesn’t understand why he takes her for granted. Is she not good enough for him. Is he with her just to have someone. Everything she does is to please him yet it just turns out to be another mistake to him. She just doesn’t why she’s treated like that. She cries for him but he doesn’t see the tears. She begs for forgiveness even though she isn’t at fault. She puts up a smile so that he doesn’t see all the pain she hides and for that she’s called a fake. She doesn’t get what he wants from her. All she wants is to be with him. She just wants him…
She enters and sees him sitting calmly.
She lean over for a kiss. He shrugs and then kisses her. It just didn’t feel the same. Something felt wrong. He asked not to be kissed as it wasn’t necessary to kiss each time they met. It hurts her inside, the fear of knowing shes going to be trashed again. She puts on a smile and looks into his eyes. He responds by saying that he’s just here to say goodbye as he was going to busy with a project for 2 weeks and after that he’s going to be back to his home town and not knowing when he’d be back. She does understand whats going on. What did it mean until he said those dreadful words, “I’m here just to say goodbye as I don’t know when I’ll see you again.”
Everything around her stopped. She realized what was happening. She turned away to control her tear that would overflow if she blinked.
She turned and smiled at him saying she knew they’d meet again. His next response shattered her. He said to not count on it and that she should leave now as he had prior commitments that she was delaying him for. She went silent. She hugged him and kissed him gently on the cheek. And without saying a word, she walked away…
She walked slowly in the hope that he would stop her. He never did. She walked all night, thinking and crying over the fact that it all came to an end in such manner. Her emotions were flooding her heart. She didn’t know how she’d make it through the night. As she reached home, she broke down in screams and tears. The thought of losing him split her soul. She didn’t want to believe it was over.
As the sun rose up through her window, she got in the shower and took a steamy bath. She came out with a smile on her face wearing her favorite and most comfortable pajamas. There before her lay bottles of sleeping pills. She puts all the pills on her pillow and just doodle his name with it. And then, she did it. She took the pills, all 60 of them. She kept telling herself that death is easier than losing him. She remembers all the moments she had with him. His touch, his kiss, his smile, his warm embrace. And then it went all dark. Emptiness… Black… Hollow…
Her eyes open and she realizes that shes in a strange place. All so blurry. She sees a shadow pass by. “Could it be him”, she thinks to herself and then looks down thinking he’s not coming back. She was nothing to him. He didn’t care. She was worthless. So she thought. She then looks up only to see him right in front of her. He holds her hand with a daze in his eyes and says, “Don’t ever do this again”.
She doesn’t understand if this is for real or if it’s a dream or if shes dead but all she knows is if this a dream and he’s by her side, she never wanted to wake up ever again….. she never wanted the moment to end….
YaAllah kau tabahkanlah hati hati kami yg terusik terasa yg putus asa dengan dugaan yg datang.. Mohon Kau beri kekuatan tuk tuk hadapi qada dan qadar yg telah Kau tetapkan. Moga diberi petunjuk tuk tabah meneruskan kehidupan…
Akan ada suatu hari bila kau rasa yang kau betul betul penat putus asa pasrah berserah dengan apa yang jadi keliling kau….
No more dramas please!
I’m not the same everyday. There are times where I’m loud and chatty, and there are times when I’m really quiet. I don’t think I can define myself.
tak semua yg kita inginkan,
akan dapat kita perolehi.
tak semua yg kita sayang,
akan sayang kita balik.
begitu juga kamu.
aku tak bisa memiliki kamu sampai bila-bila,
kamu selalu berada dihati ini.
bukan kamu jodohku,
aku akan sentiasa mendoakan kebahagiaanmu.
berhenti memberi aku harapan—
harapan dimana ia bisa menyakitkan hati ini,
cukuplah sekadar aku menyayangi mu,
meski dalam diam.
Al-Fatihah and a big condolences to family members of MH17’s passenger crash and please pray for Gaza. What a tragic year for us. #PrayForMH17 #MalaysianAirlines #Malaysia #PrayforGaza #GazaUnderAttack #Palestine